god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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