hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
