I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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