so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
