Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
