I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
