Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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