Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
