I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
