I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
