We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
