Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
