Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
