Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
