Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
