i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
