I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
