i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
