I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
