Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
