Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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