No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
