I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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