You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
