Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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