Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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