This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
