I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
