Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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