I must be too annoying 4 u.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
