I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
