I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
