My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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