I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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