I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
