You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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