God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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