You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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