if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
