Don't you send me to vm
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
