thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
