Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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