I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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