is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
