you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
