I just pynch a tree in the face
from now on my penis is your penis
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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