Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
