He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smell my finger.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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