you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
