Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In America we eat man semen.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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