How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
