Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
