Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
