I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
