Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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