dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
