she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
