just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
