so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
