its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
