Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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