I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
