BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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