so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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