Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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