i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
