Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
