I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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