My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
