When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
