I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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