Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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