Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Swine flu. Run for my life!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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