Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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