We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
