Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
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We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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