This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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