She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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