"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
