I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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