i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
