im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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