Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I would ride that face into the sunset
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
