you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
