I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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