Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
